Diversity
A former boyfriend's mother was telling me about falling in love with her husband. They were in college together at UVA in the sixties. She was saying how soon after they met they would stay up all night talking. She said when you find the person you're meant to be with, you just know.
What I knew at the time, that she didn't know, as we sat in her kitchen in Chatham, Ill. while her son was a freshman, here in Charlottesville at UVA, was that I just knew that her son was not the one for me. How odd that a year later I would meet another man and just know, and seventeen years after that, move with him to Charlottesville.
What she shared with me that day is true; whether you're speaking of passion for another person or for a cause; you just know when you are meant to be involved in something.
Today's session of Leadership Charlottesville reached deep inside my mind. It was the first session in which my mind was buzzing with ideas about what I can do, what we can do, to reduce the tremendous gap and to create positive change in the community.
I'm still formulating ideas but the nuggets are there: strong, inspired and confident.
Today we heard a lot about the 25 percent poverty level in our community. What I know is that there's an audience of the other 75 percent that need to become aware. One idea has to do with sharing that message with that audience, to get them interested and touch them in their hearts, wallets and at the voting booths.
We also experienced messages about the diversity of our community. We are a melting pot . . . before the heat's turned on . . . with many neighborhoods that have no cultural diversity whatsoever. We have socioeconomic and cultural diversity, religious and racial differences. Diversity is truly anyone different than you. My head is swimming with possibilities from Diversity Dinners to neighborhood newsletters.
One of our speakers is a political refugee from Kabul, Afghanistan. I was recently so very inspired by the book Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini. My understanding of what life was like when the Taliban took over Kabul is limited, but the book and our speaker inspired me to want to learn more. I stayed after the session and introduced myself to our speaker, Mrs. Adish. She was so kind and generous, inviting me to her home for "good Afghani food" and a visit -- anytime. Worlds apart culturally, we now live only several miles apart and have in common sons that are the same age. I hope that we will become friends.
Sometimes, you just know.
posted by StLmom @ 5:23 PM
7 comments
7 Comments:
First of all I would like to say thank you for posting such wonderful summaries of our Leadership sessions. Thank You!
Yesterday left me with mixed emotions of anger, sadness, and patriotism. The first half of our session angered and sadened me. Some comments were made that I just do not understand. The first one was "I never went to Vinegar Hill Theatre because that is just a place white people hang out at and I figured why would I want to go there." It angered me because someone with her education and dedication to the less fortunate communities in C'ville would make a comment like that to an audiance like ours. It sadened me because this is evidence that such an attitude still exist in our minority populations. Segregation ended years ago. Who cares if she goes there to see a movie, who cares if she lives on the same street as me, who cares if her children play in the same park. She said serveral times how you (as she pointed to us in the room) should speak to someone you generally wouldn't speak to, how diversity is the person we don't know. My point is that she should practice what she preaches. Such a comment as "thats a place white people go" is stemmed from years of racism of the other kind. Not only are some white people racist but some African-Americans are too. I should have said something yesterday in front of our group but didn't want to start WWIII. I am white and grew up in a very racist town, 3 hours away from Cville. I am proud to say that I have invited serveral people into my home of different races and nationalities. I AM very different than the people of my home town and strive to grow in that different direction.
My sense of patriotism was really sparked yesterday with the speakers from the second half of our session. Mrs. Adish, I think, touched everyones heart. Knowing that she found her safeheaven here in Charlottesville, VA, USA made me proud to be an American. I am glad that my country came through for her in her time of need.
Yes, yesterday's session reached deep inside my mind as well. My ideas are How can we change the way Minorities feel about White people. We are not all bad. Some of us really do want to help. I think the message that should have been delivered yesterday is:
Know me before you judge me!!!!!!
I agree with the first comment. I was very frustrated by the first panel, and noticed the same hypocrisy. The other thing I noticed was the repeated "blame" placed on the public education system. My wife used to teach in the C'ville City Schools, and I can tell you without hesitation that she was infinitely more dedicated to the education of her students than their families were. Despite numerous conversations with parents and pleas to reinforce not necessarily specific lessons, but the importance of education, at home, it was rare those pleas were answered. I believe part of the problem in people being stuck in poverty is often a failure within their own community to lift themselves out of it, and I was frustrated that the panel kept asking us to look within ourselves, but never seemed to think about looking within themselves or asking those in poverty to look within themselves. Education is the key, and when the community places no emphasis on it and there is no emphasis or reinforcement of it in the home, each generation remains at the same disadvantage.
Mrs. Adish was the perfect example of that by contrast. Living in the same downtrodden neighborhood and starting out with only the clothes on her back and poor, if any, English, her main priority was the education of her children. That focus on education caused the need for her to escape from Afghanistan, but it ensured her children's escape from poverty in the USA. I would venture to say that her two children at UVA will not have to live at 10th and Page when they raise their families.
I was so interested to see the contrast between some views of the panel seeming repressed by history and looking outward for someone to come in and lift the poor out of that community, and the Adishes, feeling blessed to be in that same community and looking inward to strive for greater success.
I wholeheartedly agree that you must look to history to understand people and where they're coming from. You also have to look to history to be sure you remove historical impediments placed on certain people that deny them opportunity. What you can't do is dwell on that history to the detriment of your present and future. Holly Edwards was quick to say that her patient should have recognized the history of Aunt Jemima as a racial slur, but I saw no effort on her part to look at the patient's history for understanding of why the comment was made and how it was intended. My guess is that the patient was an elderly person who was never taught the need for racial sensitivity in her time, and that her comment was likely not intended as or even recognized as a slur.
We have to respect each other. We have to try to understand each other. Part of that must involve a focus on future, not on the misdeeds of those who came before us ... a focus on solution, not on blame. Windows are two sided - They don't achieve their purpose unless the "boxes" on both sides are removed. It was frustrating for me yesterday to look inward and to try to remove the box on my side of the window only to sometimes see cardboard on the other.
Very well said Pete! I had meant to make the same point about education in my post yesterday but completely forgot until after I had published the post.
My wife and I have a friend that is a 7th grade teacher at Walker Middle School and faces the same problems today that your wife did. It is really sad that these cycles continue to exist. The parents of the children she teaches really don't care. There is no inititive at all to move forward for their children's sake. The ambition for a good education has to be ignited at home too. There is so much money available from grants, loans, scholarships, etc. that these kids could use to further their educations. The problem is getting to that point.
Pastor Bare talked about a person in his life that pushed and made him believe in himself. Having a mentor is a great thing, but having a solid base from which to start is also equally important.
So, how do we break these cycles? How can set the frame work in place so that the children in school today will be better role models for the children they raise? Maybe this would make a good project. I don't know, but it is certainly something that society as a whole needs to address.
It's easy to blame the victims when it comes to people living in poverty. They don't work hard enough. They make bad choices. They don't have good middle-class values. All they're looking for is a handout. Etc., etc. Well, you know what, while there may be some poor people who exhibit traits like these, most people living in poverty want to better themselves and provide a better life for their children. We owe it to them and we owe it to ourselves not to get so caught up in the "welfare queen" stereotyping that we neglect the fact that there are so many people who simply want the same opportunities in their lives that we all take for granted in ours.
I thought about just letting this topic go, but I don't want there to be any misconceptions about what I meant in my original post. I agree with the most recent post. Of course there are people in poverty making efforts to better themselves and their families. Many of them succeed, i.e., Mrs. Adish, Paul Harris, etc. I respect and admire those people for their determination to push through boundaries that I have not had to push through. I wasn't "stereotyping" individuals who live in poverty, but rather making an observation regarding the challenges and limitations we face in attempting to address the issue of poverty from the outside. It IS possible to make an observation about a group without judging individuals within that group. Judgments are made about lawyers all the time, but I don't think I fall within those generalizations. In fact, most of the ones I know don't. I wasn't passing judgment on any individuals who live in poverty. I was trying to mention some of the difficulties they face within their own communities, which seemed to me to be one thing left out of the discussion by last week's panel.
I also agree without hesitation that there should be no racial or ethnic barriers to opportunity. The fact that there was a fence dividing that neighborhood from the adjacent public park and school grounds was as offensive as anything I have seen. I can't believe it had been there so long! Taking down that fence is an example of how change can be made from the outside. How can we expect a community to value education if a fence is erected which basically tells that community they're not welcome at the school? We are all responsible for ensuring things like that don't happen. But we should also recognize that certain opportunities only come about through taking advantage of other opportunities. For example, you can't just give someone the opportunity to go to be a lawyer, doctor, etc. First, you have to take advantage of the opportunities to do well in high school, go to college, get a graduate degree, etc.
Maybe it would help to understand where I'm coming from: My grandparents were immigrants from Greece who came to the U.S. at a young age with very little and without knowing English. The did any work they could find until they earned enough to open their own restaurants. They lived within communities of other Greek immigrants, because that's where they were most comfortable. They taught their kids the value of education. My parents were both the youngest siblings in their families and each was the first to graduate from college. That experience allowed them to branch out from their parents' community. My wife is a first-generation American. Her parents and two of her siblings were born in the Philippines. I met my wife at UVA. We have our parents and grandparents to thank for where we sit today, because they made the most of the more limited opportunities they had, which gave us even greater opportunities -- opportunities which I do not take for granted. I feel proud, not guilty, to say my kids now have even greater opportunities than I had at their age, and far greater than their grandparents, and I make every effort to ensure they are aware of the roots from which those opportunities came a few generations ago.
A person in poverty may not have the same opportunities as I do, and you can't just give someone those opportunities. I hope those in poverty today can take advantage of the opportunities they do have, as my grandparents and in-laws did, to provide a better life for their children. I never meant to imply that we shouldn't do what we can to help them do just that. I just wanted to encourage people to think a little deeper about the issue than within the limits of our panel discussion. I think the best solution must involve tapping into the parts of the impoverished communities the previous poster referenced, i.e., those who are doing everything they can to succeed, and helping them to lead from within.
I recently moved from Charlottesville after 9 years of residency (4 college and 5 years young professional) due to its lack of racial tolerance, middle class, and cost of living. My comments are that America is an immigrant destination for the entire world, so we all know you have stories of family members coming w/ nothing, not knowing the language etc. For African-Americans, the past isn't that long ago and we remember "white folks places". We are not immigrants to this country and were kept separate for so long. It's interesting how all these other groups have become "white", but yes, we all want to conveniently forget that.
The Civil Rights movement was just in the 60's, not that long ago, which helped overturn Plessy vs. Ferguson in 1892. Charlottesville shut its schools down in the 50's and many prominent residents were part of racist groups.
Black Charlottesvillians sent their children away to be educated. Have you never wondered why there's no black middle class here? The upper class blacks are generally afflilated w/ UVA or heck, Dave Matthews Band. So, for those of us who moved to Charlottesville for the good life, we found ourselves as outcasts as there aren't
opportunities to meet black professionals in C'ville. UVA knows this a HUGE issue in why they can't attract more faculty and grad students. Well, black women have it infinitely harder here in town, even if you hang out at Blue Light, go to City Market, Live Arts, and everything else which screams a C'ville lifestyle.
Some comments you aren't going to understand b/c you're in the majority population. You might love going to Belk to get your makeup, but for the life of you can't see why I don't like to go (the brands don't carry my shade). You might love going to Carden Salon to get your hair cut, but can't get me to see your favorite stylist (b/c they turned me away saying they can't do ethnic hair).
The woman who made the comments was stating the truth in her life and her community's life. Before urban renewal, Charlottesville did have a thriving black business sector, else we wouldn't see so many living in a city that's costly to live in. Also, many are descendants from the local plantations in the area, so it's rightly.
If the woman's comments angered you so much, recognize the laws, zoning and policing that were inflicted on people. And she may not want to go there as a token.
I, along w/ 15 other black people, left Charlottesville this summer. Some didn't stay for PhDs, others moved for jobs, most for quality of life. And we would be considered upper middle class. I knew mostly white people in my long stay at UVA, but stand being the only black person most people had contact w/, which is why I was recognized everywhere in town.
Forgot to add to my post above..
The Vinegar Hill comment was never addressed by any other poster and it's obvious you misunderstand the woman's intent. Vinegar Hill was a black area razed down by US government sponsored urban renewal projects. She may not have stated it as her reason in not going, but it may be a key element. They built the theatre there afterwards and it's an arthouse movie theatre anyways. I doubt all white people are interested in hanging out there.
Downtown C'ville has lots of restaurants/shops, but rarely black employees among them. Across the street from a low income housing area, a state of the art ACAC is being built and they will not offer reduced membership fees to people who could also benefit. Talk about a slap in the face.
I give it 10 more years before all the poor people are moved out of C'ville, but that couldn't really happen b/c so many don't have cars and Albemarle County isn't willing to chip in public transportation costs.
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